This is what it feels like to know it’s gone for good.

So if losing everything is rock bottom, what is this? Is there anything beneath rock bottom?

It’s not much different than before. A little more intense at times. Still, the feeling has been around for months now.

Numbness. After all is lost, that’s what is left. Neutrality. Disinterest. Apathy, maybe.

Now, though, numbness with a side of kicked-in-the-teeth agony. But that’s stupid.

Why should it be agonizing? It’s not a surprise. Have known for a while. Knew it all along.

It’s not a sudden realization. It’s admission. Too bad that doesn’t mean acceptance.

Is that the answer? To accept it? Is there even a choice? Adapt and overcome?

Easier said than done. Have to try for that. Trying requires will.

But when all is lost, will is gone. So. What now?

I had a conversation, the other day, with somebody I used to know. I would call her an old friend now, but at the time, she was somebody I used to know. At one point during our very pleasant dialog, she apologized. She said she was sorry for how she acted when we were younger.

She apologized for behavior from over a decade ago. For something I had already forgiven and forgotten. After all, we were just kids.

It got me thinking. At what point in life do we leave behind the sins of our past? There must be a time when we become adults and all the stupid things we did can be chalked up as kids being kids. Or is there no statute of limitations on the actions of children?

I like to think that I’ve grown up and left that behind me. But speaking with her, it makes me wonder: is there something that I should apologize to somebody for?